Card Brand: Scrawl More - All Scrawl Cards

"Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have syphillis, in which case penicillin's a better bet."
Bob Monkhouse

"A thoughtful child is one who leaves enough petrol in the car for you to get to the garage"
Rosemary Baldock

"Tell the man there are 500 million stars in the universe and he will believe you.

Tell him a fence has just been painted and he has to touch it first."
Urban Graphic

"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine. Except on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk."
Lee Entreken

“A Mother knows all about her children. She knows about romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A father is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house”
Urban Graphic

“When things get really tough the final, most potent words of wisdom a father can have:
'Ask your mother’”.
Frank Lancaster

"Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money".
Sara Lloyd

"Be kind to everybody. You might never know who might show up on the jury at your trial".
Urban Graphic

“Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy".
Benjamin Franklin

"You will love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life".
Rita Rudner

"Birthdays are natures way of telling you to eat more cake".
Jo Brand

"Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics prove that the people who have the most live the longest".
Larry Lorenzoni

"The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office".
Robert Frost

"I may be getting on a bit, but I can still rock like a son of a bitch."
Ozzy Osbourne

"Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble".
Martin Mull

"You know the point your children have grown up when they stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going".
Urban Graphic

"You shouldn't drink coffee at work. It keeps you awake in the afternoons."
Ronald Reagan

"I took up a collection for a man in our office but I didn't get enough to buy one."
Ruth Buzzi

"I know a girl that's a compulsive shopper.
She'll buy anything that's marked down. One day she's gonna come home with an escalator."
Henry Youngman

Computer Games don't effect kids. If pac-man had effected us as kids, we'd all be runnigng around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetative electronic music.
Gareth Owen

"Life is short.

Eat dessert first."
Jacques Torres

"I's offcially getting old so I don't need drugs anymore. I can get the same effect by standing up really fast".
Jonathan Katz

“If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales”?
Urban Graphic

“I tell you we are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different”.
Kurt Vonnegut

“They say that being a mum does get it easier; it’s the first forty years that are the hardest”.
Cheryl Maughan

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day".
George Carlin

"God invented vegetables to let fathers get even with their children."
PJ O'Rourke

"There are no good girls gone wrong. There are only bad girls found out."
Mae West

As I get older I'm trying to eat more healthy food, so I've bought Gordon Ramsey's new cookbook, "Take Two Eggs and F**koff".
Jack Dee

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance of being first".
Edgar Bergen

"All I ever wanted was an honest weeks pay for an honest days work."
Phil Silvers

“The best way to keep your children out of hot water is to put some dishes in it”.
Urban Graphic

“You can learn many things from your children.
How much patience you have for instance”.
Franklin P Jones

"This is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart I carry it in my heart."
E E Cummings

"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor".
Joan Rivers

"I hate housework.
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to do it all over again".
Joan Rivers

"I like life it's something to do".
Ronnie Shakes

"Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your children".
Sam Levenson

“Life doesn’t come with an instruction book. That’s why we have fathers”.
John Maughan

"Some people say, 'The glass is half empty.'
Some people say 'the glass is half full.'
I say 'It's not my round.'"
Urban Graphic

"I can lie convincingly about my age, I can't always remember what it is."
Violet Conti

"You should live every day like it's your last day because one day you're gonna be right".
Ray Charles

"I don't worry about getting older. I intend to live forever. So far so good."
Steven Wright

"they say that you'll lose your mind as you get older. what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much."
Malcolm Cowley

Men like to barbecue. They like to cook but only if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
Grab while you can as card now out of print!

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out of a window".
Steve Wozniak

"On page one of my memory there is the chapter 'When I first met you'. It begins with the words 'Here begins a new life'."
Dante Alighieri (From 'La Vita Nuova' 1293)
Grab while you can as card now out of print!

"I don't know anything about computers. I don't even know how often to change the oil."
George Burns

“Real men don’t use instructions. They are only the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put the thing together”
Tim Taylor

“It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It is only necessary to be rich”
Alan Alda

"The whole rock and roll thing is over-rated.
Take away the drugs, drink, adoration, fame and money and what's left?".
Chrissie Hynde

“A father’s solemn duty is to watch football with his children and teach them when to shout at the ref”.
Paul Collins

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you are older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman; stuff you pay good money for in later life".
Emo Phillips

"When you participate in sporting events it's not all about winning or losing. It's how drunk you get after that counts."
Urban Graphic

"Love is two minutes and fifty two seconds of squelching noises."
Johnny Rotten

"Successful women can still have their feet on the ground.

They just wear better shoes."
Maud Van De Venne

"You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.
It's called everybody and they meet at the bar".
Mark Birt

"A mother is she who can take the place of others but whose place no-one else can take".
Cardinal Mermillod

"I'm at that certain age. Too old for ecstacy. Too young for the bowling green."
Rab C Nesbitt

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats for they are subtle and will piss on your computer."
Elmo Gethin

“As I get older my opinions may change but not the fact that I am right”.
Urban Graphic

"If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on time - you're the grandparent."
Theresa Bloomingdale

"To me, the great outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxi-cab."
Fran Leibowitz

"How to please a woman?
Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the football for her, buy her jewellery, be interested in what she has to say...
How to please a man?
Show up naked, bring beer".
Urban Graphic

"Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world."
Bette Midler

"There is only one thing wrong with the younger generation.
A lot of us don't belong to it anymore"
Bernard Baruch

"There are three ways to get things done; do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it".
Mona Crane

"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world except take exercise ot get up early or be responsible."
Oscar Wilde

"I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire".
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
William Butler Yeats

"It's amazing how quickly kids learn to drive the car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher or vacuum cleaner".
Ben Bergor

"The older you get the better you get unless you are a banana".
Urban Graphic

"If it wasn't for ventian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us."
Eric Morecambe

It's important to watch what you eat. Otherwise you may miss your mouth.
Matt Diamond

"Wine really does improve with age. The older I get the more I like it."
Urban Graphic

"You should always go for younger men. You may as well. They never mature anyway."
Theresa Bloomingdale

"If you can afford it, then there is no pleasure in buying it."
Wallis Simpson

"I'm a member of a new group called alcoholics unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink you ring another member and they come over to persuade you".
Richard Harris

“All good champagne should be delicately flavoured, exquisitely chilled
and completely free”.
Anna Maughan

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S Thompson

"If a man smiles in his own house someone is sure to ask him for money".
William Feather