Card Brand: Scrawl More - All Scrawl Cards

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S Thompson

"Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your children".
Sam Levenson

"You shouldn't drink coffee at work. It keeps you awake in the afternoons."
Ronald Reagan

"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor".
Joan Rivers

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day".
George Carlin

"You should live every day like it's your last day because one day you're gonna be right".
Ray Charles

"I don't worry about getting older. I intend to live forever. So far so good."
Steven Wright

"The older you get the better you get unless you are a banana".
Urban Graphic

"Be kind to everybody. You might never know who might show up on the jury at your trial".
Urban Graphic

"I know a girl that's a compulsive shopper.
She'll buy anything that's marked down. One day she's gonna come home with an escalator."
Henry Youngman

"You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.
It's called everybody and they meet at the bar".
Mark Birt

"Some people say, 'The glass is half empty.'
Some people say 'the glass is half full.'
I say 'It's not my round.'"
Urban Graphic

"To me, the great outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxi-cab."
Fran Leibowitz

"Birthdays are natures way of telling you to eat more cake".
Jo Brand

"I'm a member of a new group called alcoholics unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink you ring another member and they come over to persuade you".
Richard Harris

"How to please a woman?
Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the football for her, buy her jewellery, be interested in what she has to say...
How to please a man?
Show up naked, bring beer".
Urban Graphic

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance of being first".
Edgar Bergen

"You will love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life".
Rita Rudner

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out of a window".
Steve Wozniak

"A mother is she who can take the place of others but whose place no-one else can take".
Cardinal Mermillod

"If a man smiles in his own house someone is sure to ask him for money".
William Feather

"The whole rock and roll thing is over-rated.
Take away the drugs, drink, adoration, fame and money and what's left?".
Chrissie Hynde

“When things get really tough the final, most potent words of wisdom a father can have:
'Ask your mother’”.
Frank Lancaster

“All good champagne should be delicately flavoured, exquisitely chilled
and completely free”.
Anna Maughan

“It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It is only necessary to be rich”
Alan Alda

"I may be getting on a bit, but I can still rock like a son of a bitch."
Ozzy Osbourne

"I don't know anything about computers. I don't even know how often to change the oil."
George Burns

"If it wasn't for ventian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us."
Eric Morecambe

"I can lie convincingly about my age, I can't always remember what it is."
Violet Conti

"Love is two minutes and fifty two seconds of squelching noises."
Johnny Rotten

"Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have syphillis, in which case penicillin's a better bet."
Bob Monkhouse

"I took up a collection for a man in our office but I didn't get enough to buy one."
Ruth Buzzi

"All I ever wanted was an honest weeks pay for an honest days work."
Phil Silvers

"they say that you'll lose your mind as you get older. what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much."
Malcolm Cowley

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats for they are subtle and will piss on your computer."
Elmo Gethin

"No man goes before his time. Unless the boss leaves early."
Bob Hope

"Why do dogs always run to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them."
Harry Hill

"There are better things in life than alcohol, but it makes up for not having them."
Terry Pratchett

"I like to think of myself as an optimistic realist. I know the glass is half full. I just want to know who's been drinking from it and if I still have to pay full price?"
Robert Tetreault

"I don't feel old. In fact, I generally don't feel anything 'till noon. Then It's time for my nap."
Bob Hope

"Give a Man a Fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the entire weekend."
Zenna Schaffer

"I've never disliked a man enough to give him his diamonds back."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost; they are added to the ages of other women."
Diane de Poiters

"I don't do drugs anymore. I don't do them any less either.
Bill Hicks

"Inspite of the cost of living , it still remains popular."
Kathleen Norris

"Intuition is the strange instinct that tells a woman that she is right whether she is or not."
Oscar Wilde

"No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats remember approximately one billion chinese people couldn't care less."
Abraham Lazlo

"Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down."
Phyllis Diller

"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck."
Joss Whedon

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"To those of you who received awards, honours and distinctions I say well done.
To the C students I say, you too can become the President of the United States."
George W Bush

"I am hoping as I get older that, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a scene'."
anon

"They say 'it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable', but couldn't some compromise be worked out, like being moderately wealthy and a little moody?"
John Henry

"You know the point your children have grown up when they stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going".
Urban Graphic

"You know the point your children have grown up when they stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going".
Urban Graphic

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