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SCRAWL - 18th Birthday SCR55
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SCRAWL - 500 Million Stars MSC27
"Tell the man there are 500 million stars in the universe and he will believe you.
Tell him a fence has just been painted and he has to touch it first."
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - A Hard Man SCR041
"A hard man is good to find".
Mae West |
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SCRAWL - A Meal Without Wine MSC18
"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine. Except on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk."
Lee Entreken |
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SCRAWL - A Mother Knows Her Children SCR111
“A Mother knows all about her children. She knows about romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A father is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house”
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - A Thoughtful Child SCR113
"A thoughtful child is one who leaves enough petrol in the car for you to get to the garage"
Rosemary Baldock |
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SCRAWL - Adolescence SCR167
"Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a father ages as much as 20 years."
Al Bernstein |
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SCRAWL - Afford It MSC47
"If you can afford it, then there is no pleasure in buying it."
Wallis Simpson |
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SCRAWL - Age is Experience SCR153
"Age is nothing but experience. And some of us are more experienced than others."
Andy Rooney |
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SCRAWL - Alcoholics Unanimous MSC25
"I'm a member of a new group called alcoholics unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink you ring another member and they come over to persuade you".
Richard Harris |
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SCRAWL - All Good Champagne SCR088
“All good champagne should be delicately flavoured, exquisitely chilled
and completely free”.
Anna Maughan |
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SCRAWL - Ask Your Mother SCR126
“When things get really tough the final, most potent words of wisdom a father can have:
'Ask your mother’”.
Frank Lancaster |
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SCRAWL - Bad Memory MSC079
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and bad memory."
Albert Schweitzer |
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SCRAWL - Be Kind to Everybody MSC11
"Be kind to everybody. You might never know who might show up on the jury at your trial".
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Be Yourself MSC40
"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck."
Joss Whedon |
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SCRAWL - Beer and Happiness SCR025
“Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy".
Benjamin Franklin |
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SCRAWL - Being A Millionaire SCR63
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Better Things MSC76
"There are better things in life than alcohol, but it makes up for not having them."
Terry Pratchett |
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SCRAWL - Billion Chinese People SCR148
"No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats remember approximately one billion chinese people couldn't care less."
Abraham Lazlo |
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SCRAWL - Birth Of Fairies SCR04
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SCRAWL - Birthday Cake MSC22
"Birthdays are natures way of telling you to eat more cake".
Jo Brand |
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SCRAWL - Birthday Tequila MSC74
"You should always take your birthday with a pinch of salt. Then a short of tequila and a slice of lime."
Anon |
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SCRAWL - Birthdays Are Good For You SCR092
"Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics prove that the people who have the most live the longest".
Larry Lorenzoni |
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SCRAWL - Boss Leaves Early MSC080
"No man goes before his time. Unless the boss leaves early."
Bob Hope |
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SCRAWL - Brain is a Wonderful Organ SCR038
"The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office".
Robert Frost |
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SCRAWL - Can Still Rock MSC48
"I may be getting on a bit, but I can still rock like a son of a bitch."
Ozzy Osbourne |
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SCRAWL - Champagne MSC26
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Children and Trouble SCR108
"Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble".
Martin Mull |
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SCRAWL - Children Have Grown Up SCR112
"You know the point your children have grown up when they stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going".
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Coffee at Work MSC05
"You shouldn't drink coffee at work. It keeps you awake in the afternoons."
Ronald Reagan |
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SCRAWL - Collection for a Man SCR144
"I took up a collection for a man in our office but I didn't get enough to buy one."
Ruth Buzzi |
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SCRAWL - Compulsive Shopper MSC17
"I know a girl that's a compulsive shopper.
She'll buy anything that's marked down. One day she's gonna come home with an escalator."
Henry Youngman |
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SCRAWL - Computer Games MSC23
Computer Games don't effect kids. If pac-man had effected us as kids, we'd all be runnigng around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetative electronic music.
Gareth Owen |
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SCRAWL - Computers and Tequila MSC06
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Cost Of Living SCR174
"Inspite of the cost of living , it still remains popular."
Kathleen Norris |
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SCRAWL - Dessert SCR138
"Life is short.
Eat dessert first."
Jacques Torres |
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SCRAWL - Diamonds SCR176
"I've never disliked a man enough to give him his diamonds back."
Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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SCRAWL - Don't Do Drugs MSC14
"I's offcially getting old so I don't need drugs anymore. I can get the same effect by standing up really fast".
Jonathan Katz |
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SCRAWL - Drink To Health SCR154
"Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down."
Phyllis Diller |
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SCRAWL - Drugs, Alcohol or Insanity SCR002
"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S Thompson |
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SCRAWL - Explain Whales SCR097
“If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales”?
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Fart Around SCR022
“I tell you we are here on earth to fart around and don't let anyone tell you different”.
Kurt Vonnegut |
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SCRAWL - Father's Advice M67
"The best way for a father to give his advice to his children is to find out what they want to do and then advise them to do it."
Harry S Truman |
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SCRAWL - Feels Like Admitting SCR147
"A man is as old as he feels. A woman is as old as she feels like admitting."
American Proverb |
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SCRAWL - Feels Like Pizza MSC50
"Ask a woman how she feels and she'll open her heart and tell you her fears, hopes and dreams. Ask a man what he feels and he'll tell you he feels like a pizza."
Diana Ford |
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SCRAWL - First 40 Years SCR127
“They say that being a mum does get it easier; it’s the first forty years that are the hardest”.
Cheryl Maughan |
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SCRAWL - Football Football Football SCR155
"My team lives football, dreams football, it eats football. Now if it could only play football."
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Give A Man A Fish MSC09
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day".
George Carlin |
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SCRAWL - Give a Man a Fish SCR173
"Give a Man a Fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the entire weekend."
Zenna Schaffer |
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SCRAWL - God Invented Vegetables SCR087
"God invented vegetables to let fathers get even with their children."
PJ O'Rourke |
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SCRAWL - Good Girls, Bad Girls MSC46
"There are no good girls gone wrong. There are only bad girls found out."
Mae West |
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SCRAWL - Gordon Ramsey MSC28
As I get older I'm trying to eat more healthy food, so I've bought Gordon Ramsey's new cookbook, "Take Two Eggs and F**koff".
Jack Dee
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SCRAWL - Happiness Is Love SCR103
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Hard Work (New Job) SCR044
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance of being first".
Edgar Bergen |
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SCRAWL - Honest Weeks Pay SCR145
"All I ever wanted was an honest weeks pay for an honest days work."
Phil Silvers |
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SCRAWL - Hot Water SCR122
“The best way to keep your children out of hot water is to put some dishes in it”.
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - How Much Patience? SCR109
“You can learn many things from your children.
How much patience you have for instance”.
Franklin P Jones |
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SCRAWL - How to Attract Men SCR175
"A friedn of mine wrote a book entitled 'How to Attract Men'. The main device was to be naked and have a bar by the bed."
John Waters |
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SCRAWL - I Carry Your Heart MSC34
"This is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart I carry it in my heart."
E E Cummings |
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SCRAWL - I don't do drugs SCR156
"I don't do drugs anymore. I don't do them any less either.
Bill Hicks |
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SCRAWL - I Don't Exercise SCR29
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor".
Joan Rivers |
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SCRAWL - I Don't Feel Old MSC073
"I don't feel old. In fact, I generally don't feel anything 'till noon. Then It's time for my nap."
Bob Hope |
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SCRAWL - I Hate Housework SCR083
"I hate housework.
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to do it all over again".
Joan Rivers |
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SCRAWL - If A Man Smiles SCR090
"If a man smiles in his own house someone is sure to ask him for money".
William Feather |
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SCRAWL - In All The World SCR118
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Insanity is Hereditary SCR019
"Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your children".
Sam Levenson |
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SCRAWL - Instruction Book SCR124
“Life doesn’t come with an instruction book. That’s why we have fathers”.
John Maughan |
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SCRAWL - Intuition SCR177
"Intuition is the strange instinct that tells a woman that she is right whether she is or not."
Oscar Wilde |
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SCRAWL - It's Not My Round MSC21
"Some people say, 'The glass is half empty.'
Some people say 'the glass is half full.'
I say 'It's not my round.'"
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Laughter MSC45
"Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have syphillis, in which case penicillin's a better bet."
Bob Monkhouse |
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SCRAWL - Lie Convincingly MSC43
"I can lie convincingly about my age, I can't always remember what it is."
Violet Conti |
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SCRAWL - Little Grey Hair MSC78
"Like I say, a little grey hair is a small price to pay for all this wisdom.
Kathy Shashkin |
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SCRAWL - Live Every Day MSC04
"You should live every day like it's your last day because one day you're gonna be right".
Ray Charles |
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SCRAWL - Live Forever MSC30
"I don't worry about getting older. I intend to live forever. So far so good."
Steven Wright
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SCRAWL - Lose Your Mind SCR014
"they say that you'll lose your mind as you get older. what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much."
Malcolm Cowley |
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SCRAWL - Love Is Just A Word MSC35
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Men Like to Barbecue (S31) - Limited
Men like to barbecue. They like to cook but only if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
Grab while you can as card now out of print!
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SCRAWL - More Philosophy MSC19
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - My Favourite Parent MSC72
"My Dad's great.
He's one of my favourite parents."
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Neither Cocky nor Proud SCR164
"A mother should be neither cocky nor proud because she knows that the school may call at any minute to report that her child has just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium."
Gloria Kaufman |
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SCRAWL - Never Trust a Computer SCR079
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out of a window".
Steve Wozniak |
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SCRAWL - New Baby SCR128
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - New Life MSC36
"On page one of my memory there is the chapter 'When I first met you'. It begins with the words 'Here begins a new life'."
Dante Alighieri (From 'La Vita Nuova' 1293)
Grab while you can as card now out of print!
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SCRAWL - Not Easy MSC62 - SORRY OUT OF STOCK
"It's not easy being a mother, if it were easy fathers would do it."
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SCRAWL - Occasionally Broody SCR172
"I do get brood occasionally. Like when I am watching TV and I can't reach the remote I think, 'a kid would be good right now.'"
Kathleen Madigan |
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SCRAWL - Oil Change MSC44
"I don't know anything about computers. I don't even know how often to change the oil."
George Burns |
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SCRAWL - Optimistic Realist MSC75
"I like to think of myself as an optimistic realist. I know the glass is half full. I just want to know who's been drinking from it and if I still have to pay full price?"
Robert Tetreault |
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SCRAWL - Raise Your Hand SCR168
"Never raise your hand to your children. It leaves your groin unprotected."
Red Buttons |
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SCRAWL - Real Men SCR123
“Real men don’t use instructions. They are only the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put the thing together”
Tim Taylor
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SCRAWL - Reason For Everything MSC71
"To me, the kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is either messy, broken or dirty."
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Respect Old Age SCR151
"We should have a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled."
Gene Fowler |
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SCRAWL - Rich and Famous SCR140
“It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It is only necessary to be rich”
Alan Alda
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SCRAWL - Rock and Roll SCR137
"The whole rock and roll thing is over-rated.
Take away the drugs, drink, adoration, fame and money and what's left?".
Chrissie Hynde |
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SCRAWL - S62 I Like Life OUT OF STOCK
"I like life it's something to do".
Ronnie Shakes |
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SCRAWL - Shopping Over Sex SCR157
"I'd take shopping over sex any day. Anything that seems a bit small of disappointing when you get it home can easily be exchanged for something more satisfying."
Alison Hill |
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SCRAWL - Silly Lovers MSC31
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Simple Things in Life SCR171
"Most women are attracted to the simple things in life - like men."
Hennie Youngman |
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SCRAWL - Solemn Duty SCR125
“A father’s solemn duty is to watch football with his children and teach them when to shout at the ref”.
Paul Collins
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SCRAWL - Song In My Heart MSC64
"My mum is a never ending song in my heart. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune."
Graycie Harmon |
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SCRAWL - Spoon Out MSC081
"If you find that your eyys hurt after drinking coffee, try taking the spoon out of the cup."
Norm Crosby |
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SCRAWL - Sporting Events MSC41
"When you participate in sporting events it's not all about winning or losing. It's how drunk you get after that counts."
Urban Graphic |
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SCRAWL - Squelching Noises MSC38
"Love is two minutes and fifty two seconds of squelching noises."
Johnny Rotten |
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SCRAWL - Still Looking for Ideas SCR166
"Fathers are always asking kids 'what they want to be when they grow up' because they are still looking for ideas.
Jack Benny |
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SCRAWL - Successful Women MSC01
"Successful women can still have their feet on the ground.
They just wear better shoes."
Maud Van De Venne |
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SCRAWL - Support Group MSC20
"You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody and they meet at the bar".
Mark Birt |
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SCRAWL - Take the Place of Others SCR107
"A mother is she who can take the place of others but whose place no-one else can take".
Cardinal Mermillod |
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SCRAWL - Take Up Gardening SCR150
"If you want to be happy for a short time get drunk; happy for a long time fall in love; happy forever take up gardening."
Chinese Proverb |
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SCRAWL - That Certain Age MSC49
"I'm at that certain age. Too old for ecstacy. Too young for the bowling green."
Rab C Nesbitt |
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SCRAWL - The Affairs of Cats MSC02
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats for they are subtle and will piss on your computer."
Elmo Gethin |
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SCRAWL - The Fact That I am Right SCR023
“As I get older my opinions may change but not the fact that I am right”.
Urban Graphic
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SCRAWL - The Grandparent SCR143
"If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on time - you're the grandparent."
Theresa Bloomingdale |
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SCRAWL - The Great Outdoors MSC24
"To me, the great outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxi-cab."
Fran Leibowitz
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SCRAWL - The Opposite Sex SCR070
"How to please a woman?
Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the football for her, buy her jewellery, be interested in what she has to say...
How to please a man?
Show up naked, bring beer".
Urban Graphic
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SCRAWL - The Rest of Your Life (Engagement) SCR049
"When you realise that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".
Billy Crystal |
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SCRAWL - The Right Shoes SCR065
"Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world."
Bette Midler |
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SCRAWL - The Younger Generation SCR082
"There is only one thing wrong with the younger generation.
A lot of us don't belong to it anymore"
Bernard Baruch |
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SCRAWL - Three Ways SCR089
"There are three ways to get things done; do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it".
Mona Crane
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SCRAWL - To Get Back To My Youth SCR027
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world except take exercise ot get up early or be responsible."
Oscar Wilde |
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SCRAWL - Too Much to Ask SCR084
"I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire".
Zsa Zsa Gabor
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SCRAWL - Tread Softly MSC32
"I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
William Butler Yeats |
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SCRAWL - Underwear SCR179
"A lady is a woman that never shows her underwear unintentionally."
Lillian Day |
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SCRAWL - Unless You're a Banana MSC03
"The older you get the better you get unless you are a banana".
Urban Graphic
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SCRAWL - Venetian Blinds MSC039
"If it wasn't for ventian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us."
Eric Morecambe |
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SCRAWL - Watch What You Eat MSC08
It's important to watch what you eat. Otherwise you may miss your mouth.
Matt Diamond
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SCRAWL - When The Doorbell Rings MSC77
"Why do dogs always run to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them."
Harry Hill |
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SCRAWL - Wrath of Grapes SCR149
"Hangovers are the wrath of grapes."
Dorothy Parker |
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SCRAWL - Years Not Lost SCR178
"The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost; they are added to the ages of other women."
Diane de Poiters |
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SCRAWL - You're Not Drunk SCR003
Per Image |
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SCRAWL - Younger Men SCR146
"You should always go for younger men. You may as well. They never mature anyway."
Theresa Bloomingdale |
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